Communication Skills

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This book gets five stars because of the quality and quantity of helpful tips expressed in a concise way. I would recommend this book to everyone, especially young adults. 

This book has over 90 tips in the areas of body language, first impressions, making small talk more interesting, increasing the connection with people, how to sound smarter (or like an industry insider), and be more persuasive.

This is a five star book that provides a clear and compact message format to help connect with people and could be thought of as a universal value proposition format for communication.

It is based on the three forces of narrative, which are agreement, contradiction, and consequence. It has also been proven through many years of experience. 

The core of this book is the "ABT" format, which is _____ AND _____ (desires), BUT _____ (problem), THEREFORE _____ (solution). This is based on the three basic forces of narrative, which are: agreement, contradiction, and consequence (Randy Olson, The Narrative Gym).

Example... Most parents want to communicate better with their kids and help them live smarter, but they struggle to "get through" to them. Developing communication skills is the best place to start, for both sides.

Starting the ABT or value proposition with a desire is easier and more likely to connect with others than starting with an assumed problem (people can be sensitive about their problems). If you start with a problem that the other person doesn't feel is really a problem, it can immediately make the other person defensive. If we get the desire right there can be more room for not getting the problem right, and using the word "but" gets people's attention.

This is the oldest five star communication book I reference on this page. It is based on a long period of studying relationships, and it could be useful for pretty much anybody. The communication tactics it includes are, don't condemn or criticize, find out their good points, and give honest and sincere appreciation.

Ways to get people to like you include, be genuinely interested in them. Smile and remember their name. Talk about their interests and make them feel important.

Win people to your way of thinking include, begin in a friendly way, respect their opinion and never say "You're wrong." If you are wrong admit it quickly. Let them do most of the talking. 

Leadership communication includes, if you must express fault in someone begin with a sincere praise. Instead of telling someone to do something directly, ask them a question with a choice. Give them a good reputation to live up to and encourage them.

This is a five star book, as it provides a formula for tactfully expressing your feelings about a tough situation. Of course, it can also be used to express gratitude. 

This book provides a proven process is to state an observation, followed by how it makes you feel, explain your need, and make your request to fulfill the need. Then work on getting the same from them, what they observe, feel, need, and their request. When we label people and judge their intent they naturally get defensive, but if we label their behavior and explain how it made us feel, our perspective is much more likely to be accepted.

This is a logical process to help insert empathy for you, into their thought process, and minimize emotion. Of course the body language and tone should be humble, open, and curious, not arrogant, accusatory, or defensive. It sounds like... "When you ____, I feel ____. I need ____. Would you consider ____?

When we exercise empathy, listen and express back to others what we understand about their perspective, how it makes them feel, and their needs, it helps them to feel understood and can build trust.

This is a classic five star communication book that gives practical advice on how to strengthen relationships and connect on a deeper level. 

It has three sections, the heart, the questions, and the disciplines of conversationalists. 

The heart section includes five levels of significant conversations, casual, contextual, conceptual, considerable, and catalytic, and discernment of whether they need care, counsel, or courage. 

“One of the greatest privileges in relationship is when you experience somebody at their deepest point of fear and doubt, then to see them overcome those moments and step forward to see the victory that is the result of their lives as they have an impact on other people.” 

Russell finishes the book with seven disciplines of the conversationalist, including removing barriers of engagement, defining the people, places, and priorities, clarifying expectations, and asking great questions. 

Then he gives 50 great questions that help start better conversations. Here are just a few, What's one thing about you I don't know? What's the important thing going on in your world right now? What are you looking forward to the most this year? What's the most significant challenge you've faced in the last year? What books have you read more than once?

This five star book has good practical tips for connecting with anyone. It includes timeless tips for creating good first impressions, starting conversations, and connecting with people. 

It has a section on how to create “Big Talk” as opposed to the boring old small talk. It also recommends some specific topics that spark more lively conversation. The book refers to a study that shows being different wakes people up, or a slightly unusual request raises more interest. 

The book also gives practical tips for follow up questions that can increase your memorability, including highlighting important aspects about the person you are talking with, and have a personal story stack that launch from common topics. 

The book mentions a study that concluded confidence is often more important to a professional’s reputation than skill set or history. 

It also highlights how to make a good first impression with body language, keeping your hands visible, having a good posture, and making eye contact, all help increase feelings of trust, respect, and inclusion. “The best conversations aren’t about what you say, they are about what you hear.” 

While this book is not just focused on communication it has some good five star communication tips, especially on how to be more persuasive through empathy, based on tactics from a championship debater. 

It explains why we should try and think and communicate more like a scientist should, and not preach, prosecute, or politic (unless that is in fact, your profession). The basic core of the scientific method is to make an observation and form a hypothesis or idea about the observation, then test the idea to see if it is correct. 

Being a scientist is not just a profession, it's a mindset, a mode of thinking that searches for the truth and runs experiments to test ideas and discover knowledge (Adam Grant, Think Again). 

The book explains how a champion debater lowers his opponents defensiveness by expressing empathy and even agreement of the value of their views, then proceeds to subtly add his view. When trying to persuade people if our words and tone implies they are an enemy, or wrong, it usually shuts them down or gets them angry. If we humbly respect them and communicate with empathy it can open them up and inspires reciprocity of our humility and respect.